I just came back from a 3-week ‘holiday’. The inverted commas are because it was a bit of a working holiday if I can put it like that. It was a very needed trip and I am so grateful that I was able to go.
New years are generally full of new resolutions and new beginnings, but life isn’t always so uncomplicated I’m afraid. Last year my new beginnings involved a new country, a new university, new people, new everything. New things aren’t always fun and they are really hard when the ‘old’ things you’re leaving behind aren’t so keen on letting go.
As we get older our connections to people and places become increasingly intricate. I found it a lot easier to start at a new school when I was 11. Being 22 it wasn’t so easy to adapt and restart my life. Kids find it a lot easier to bounce back and our relationships a lot less complicated. We also didn’t really have social media when I was 11, so it was simpler to let go and move on.
Over the past three weeks, I visited my childhood home and did a bit of decluttering. It’s pretty difficult deciding what to keep and what to let go of. There are still a few things that I just might end up getting rid of but I do feel better after going through some of my boxes. Even though I Kon-Mari’d my belongings in 2018, a lot changes in a year. I want to be constantly curating my life instead of cluttering it. I’ve never found letting go easy but I am working on it and getting better with time.
I also spent some time with family and friends in South Africa and Dubai. It’s quite tough to go back and see how much people have changed (or not) since the last time we saw one another. There has to be some sort of acceptance that our lives are no longer as entwined as they once were and thus our connections have changed and in some cases fallen apart altogether. There are the rare few that grow stronger even while we are apart and those relationships remain close to my heart.
The trip also helped me realise that needed to go back to let go of some things and it all helped me move forward a little bit more than before. Moving to Perth was extremely hard for me but most of my life is here now. While I was away I missed my dogs, my room, my yoga practice, and countless tiny things that I barely even noticed while they crept into my everyday existence. I am here working on my goals and my life. It might not be forever, but it is for right now.
I am happy to be going into 2020 knowing that I can let go of some memories and mementoes while maintaining my important relationships. The relationships and friendships that grow stronger with time and distance are the ones worth keeping forever. They require a lot of maintenance but they are ultimately worth it.
I also noticed that I didn’t write a lot in 2019. I had around 10 blog posts in total. The first half of the year I was dealing with a lot of mental health distress, and the second half I signed up for too much too quickly and sent myself into burnout. I’d really like to find a balance between personal and home, past and present, goals and responsibilities this year. I’m taking it one step at a time and it’s not as overwhelming as I thought. Even what I’m doing right now is a move in the right direction.
It’s euphoric to finally rediscover words again. I really have missed writing like this and intend to do a lot more of it this year. I have a ton of drafts that didn’t manage to make the cut, which was pretty discouraging. But I do want to maintain and improve my writing and achieve my goals with my blog, poetry and some other stories that are in the works. I’m even thinking of restarting my writing club – just because they’re in a different country, it doesn’t mean we can’t still write together.
Thanks for sticking around and supporting me even in my absence. While I was abroad so many people (who I didn’t even know knew about this blog) asked about my writing and my YouTube. It really encouraged me to get going again. I felt really alone a lot of the time last year but thank you for reminding me that you are all here in this online space waiting for me, even if I can’t see you all in my real life.
For 2020 make new memories and don’t forget the old ones!
Keep thinking Inklings!
Lots of love and gratitude xoxo
Bianca
