Changes in Appearance

As some of you may have noticed, my blog has undergone a bit of a make-over. I am over the moon that I decided to change things up a bit. It’s more me now. Before, I was attempting to emulate blogs that I have seen and taking advice from people as to how my blog should look. I liked it it a lot for a while and I was happy with it staying as it was. Until I stared at it for a while and realised I didn’t really love it as much as I should. It wasn’t authentically me. There’s a lot more pink, but as anyone who knows me will tell you, I have an underlying obsession with pink.

Throughout some of the chaos that we call life, I have also managed to decorate my desk and do some cleaning (okay it only stayed that way for about 5 seconds but I’m working on it) which is something that gave me a lovely sense of peace with myself. My room has also transformed from being a mismatched mess to a slightly more put together mess.

Climbing out of my head

Earlier this year I spent some time thinking about my ‘aesthetic’ and the kinds of things I want to add to my life, because currently I’m a bit all over the place. Some days I look like someone from a renaissance fair and other days I look like I stepped out of a biker bar. I don’t totally want to change what I like, rather just meld everything together better to express the air of whimsy that my daydreams have cooked up. Projecting my inner world into my outer one.

This is something I learned from my sister of all people. She knows how she wants to live and she has a clear plan for it. She shows it on her Pinterest boards and on her pin board and in the pictures she saves on her phone. They all bleed into how she decorates her room and how she dresses and what she draws and writes. I on the other hand, have all the pictures saved online and in my head, but they rarely make an appearance in the real world.

One man’s daydreaming is another man’s day  – Grey Livingston

Most of the time I don’t care as much about my surroundings due to being completely emerged in my thoughts. This leads to a lot of procrastination and forgetfulness. I don’t want to spend forever dreaming about things and not living up to them. That’s a rather sad existence. Daydreaming and zoning out is my addictive-hamartia.

Online Image

I have also been dedicating a lot of time and thought to my Instagram account and putting more effort into engaging with like minded people. Bookworms and stationery lovers and what-have-yous. It’s been a fun side-project and helpful in remembering what I love and researching more about new things that have drawn my attention.

For instance, growing up I was an avid bookworm. People would be shocked to see me without a book in front of my face or glued to my hand. I was a reader and proud of it. However, in recent years I went through a terrible reading slump. Honestly I blame technology and all its distractions.

For the past half a decade or so, I have been engrossed with the drama in my own life rather than those of book characters. I reckon it’s understandable to want to live in reality for a while, but to an extent. Until I happened upon BookTube and Bookstagram. Book lovers on the internet. I really am baffled that it took me this long to become immersed in this world of words and wonder. I spent hours drooling over their book collections and  became homesick for my own books. Because I study abroad, my books have to stay home while I travel.

For some of us, technology has become an addiction.  Keeping us distracted from the truly real version of reality. The dirty socks on the floor. The book on the bedside table that is half-started. We’d much rather stare into those pretty little square windows into the lives of others. We feel compelled to check our phones every now and again. We have yet to learn moderation. It’s very difficult for me to sleep with my phone on the other side of the room. If it’s not next to my pillow I struggle to fall asleep (not that the hours of scrolling the internet help with sleep either).

There’s a miniature struggle going on in my head at the moment, weighing out the pros and cons of different social media accounts and how I live my life versus what I show others. To be continued on the outcome of the debate.

Productivity vs Time Wasting

Now overall, I don’t think the internet or social media are inherently bad or that everyone is doomed to become a tech-addicted zombie. It’s about the time we spend online and what we actually accomplish in that time.  For instance, an hour spent looking at memes vs an hour networking and marketing online. One will yield positive results, the other is mainly just time wasting.

I for one am attempting to consciously spend less time doing nonconstructive things online. I’m especially trying to cut down on time spent scrolling through Facebook and Instagram. Easier said than done, but it’s getting there.

Mindfulness

Basically, I am trying to live more mindfully through my choices in all aspects. Taking more than a millisecond to think before I purchase something or even sharing a post online.  A work in progress but it’s important to stand up again after every failure and to try again. It’s a struggle to break bad habits until better habits can be found to replace the old ones.

For now, having a handful of reminders scattered across my room and on my devices encourage me to keep working and to stop building so many castles in the air.

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