Over the past few weeks I have been doing some thinking, a bit of soul-searching here and there. And it turns out, I’m no longer a Book Blogger. In fact, I don’t think I ever truly was one.

Seven years ago I started a blog. This blog. It had a different dress and a different name but the same blog. Initially I thought this would be a stepping stone to being an author with a published book. Then it became a way to meet people who shared my passions. But ultimately this has always been a space to express myself and share the thoughts that play on repeat when I’m trying to sleep.

At the very beginning I thought I might share my life story in parts. But then I started reading more and more blog posts and eventually I started to question myself. Was I writing about the wrong things? Was I using the correct structure? Is this how you’re supposed to write a blog post?

I had a bit of an identity crisis. I thought I should write book reviews because of all the books I started reading. I did that for a little while until I read so many books I couldn’t keep up. I thought I should make book lists and participate in blogmas with all the other bloggers.

But turns out I’m probably not that type of blogger, and the more I kept forcing myself to try be that type of blogger, the less I wrote on my blog. Over time I let my inner critic tell me what a “bad” book blogger I was, but I think it just wasn’t me and what I wanted to write about. This lead to me writing less and less on my blog.

I even dabbled in BookTube for a while and made videos about books and reading. At the time I was yearning for a sense of community and friendship. I had just moved to a new country where I was struggling to make connections and friends. And then Covid hit and everyone became more isolated than ever and making videos became my escape. I enjoyed my time learning new skills and pushing myself out of my comfort zone, but there was always something a little bit unsatisfying about it. I missed writing. Deep down I wanted my writing to be displayed in my videos. I was fascinated by people who combined the art of writing essays and poetry with making videos.

So as it turns out, I’m more of an essayist than a “how to” or “list” blogger. Some of my favourite posts ended up in the “Life Updates” category because I didn’t know what else to do with them. They were a combination of diary entries and prose and they just made me feel a little bit more like I wasn’t really a proper “blogger” because they didn’t really fit into “lifestyle” or “tips” or “reading lists”.

Early last year I read My Inner Sky by Mari Andrew and since then I have slowly come to the realisation that the types of writing I have enjoyed most ardently are probably what you would consider personal essays. I had originally discovered Mari through her Skillshare class Drawing as Self Discovery, and it was one of the very first classes that I successfully completed. It was a truly therapeutic class and I enjoyed expressing myself in a new way. I am also grateful to Mari for reminding me that Personal Essays are a reputable and enjoyable form of self expression.

So here I am almost a year after reading her collection and I want to get back to blogging. I am a proud Personal Essay writer who promises to no longer feel pressured to “stick to the status quo” of the blogging world.

What promise are you making to your own self, dear reader?

Lots of love,

Bianca