Five years ago a girl started a blog and the rest is herstory.
On the 7th of June 2016 I opened up my laptop and wrote my first ever blog post: To Blog or Not to Blog. I wrote about why I wanted to write and it was mainly so that I could finally call myself a writer with full confidence. It felt wonderful and empowering and I am so very grateful that I made the decision to enter this world. It has always been here for me when I need it.
Looking back on the past five years, this blog and I have both gone through so many journeys. Binx Thinx evolved from Fireberry and the theme is worlds away from where I began. I moved to self-hosted and migrated all my blog posts. I have written from four different continents and various locations along the way. I have moved to apartments, air bnbs, and finally a rental house. I wrote on aiports, in hotel rooms, in guest rooms, and in classrooms. This all makes my life sound so much more exciting than it probably is but I am unbelievably grateful for each and every opportunity I have had to get me to where I am today.
I went on a road-trip in America and finally visited my childhood dream of Walt Disney World. I made so many friends and said goodbye to many more. I became a university Graduate and a Goodreads Author. I started a BookTube Channel and a Book Club. I became a dog mom again and a cat aunt. I got my driver’s license and I joined a gym. I decided to become a Teacher and started my Masters. I have read over 700 books, written over 100 blog posts, and taken over 400 bookstagram pictures.
There were a lot of ups. But also a lot of downs. I have experienced so much grief since 2016 and it had made life unbearable sometimes. I have had to bury friends and family. I have dealt with depression and anxiety. I’ve gone to therapy and asked for help. I binged tv shows and ate a lot of sugar. It was a lot for me but I survived even when I didn’t want to. Now we are in the middle of a global pandemic and we have yet to reach the other side.
It feels like every year passes in a blink of an eye but when I pause and look back on everything it is actually quite extraordinary that so much can happen. What I have written here is only a scratch on the surface.
I have read through a few of my older blog posts and I have noticed that I always feel the need to apologise after an extended absence. It kind of gives me that same feeling when I don’t play Animal Crossing fora few months and then I come back and all my villagers are really mad at me for leaving. It’s not a nice feeling, but I think I bring it upon myself by the way I look at it. I played Animal Crossing again yesterday after an absence of two months and this time it seemed more like my villagers were excited to see me again instead of mad that I was away for so long. I don’t think their reactions changed – mine did.
So I’m not going to apologise this time for being away, I am just going to come back to writing when it feels good to write. I am going to be unapologetically myself. I am a bit scatterbrained and cluttered and I struggle with executive functioning. I try to be as organised as I can but I also tend to put too much on my plate and never cut myself any slack.
I have had uni and my final teaching prac and reading for bookclubs and liveshows and the new gym and for two months I was just spending time with my family after 14 months of not seeing them. I used to go to therapy to get my emotions out but this year I haven’t had an outlet and it all built up inside me.
Last week I was a sleepy couch potato and my days consisted of eating, sleeping and watching tv shows. This week I feel like my brain has energy to be creative again so I have been journaling and making videos and cooking and writing this blog post and it has been wonderful.
Recently I watched a video about embracing our natural waves of energy. Basically it means taking advantage of the times when you feel energized and not trying to force yourself to work through your energy dips. Being kind to yourself and resting when your body needs it. I think that’s a wonderful strategy to follow and I have been trying to take note of when I have more energy throughout the day. Also getting enough sleep helps.
It really has made a huge difference in how I feel and I am less likely to feel bad about my daily accomplishments. Some days I use my energy for family outings and other days I use it for doing chores or being creative. A day is not long enough for me to spend the time I want on everything I want to do, and that’s okay. The days and hours add up in the long run and in another 5 years I will have another long list of amazing things I have done.
So here is to every day of the next 5 years. I hope they will be as memorable as these past 5 have been.
Lots of love,
Keep thinking, Inklings!
xoxo
Bianca
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