My mother has on occasion informed me that she believes that I am what she calls an Indigo Child. Now that entire explanation requires a totally different post on its own, and I will get to that eventually. But for now, let’s just say it means that I have always been high maintenance, or as she is partial to calling it, acting like a prissy little princess. It is one of the motives which contributed to her decision of declaring that I (not my younger sister as she had previously assumed) was the Indigo in the family.
But I digress, so let’s backtrack a bit now. Where to begin? From a very young age I have been eager to learn and I thought I was the ruler in my castle/home. Both of my parents worked, and the earliest memories I can recall are those of my Grandma taking care of me at home and singing to me. Soon after, she taught me to talk and sing along with her. My pet mice, Minnie and Mickey (they were mice and I was two) were naturally my test-subjects for my singing practice. Apparently, I learned to talk at a relatively young age, so my singing was a surprise to some. After receiving approval from the royal subjects, Mr. and Mrs. Mouse, I showcased my well-rehearsed performances to every visitor. I also adored the attention, cheeky as I was. If a camera was somewhere in the vicinity, I swear I could sense it and my impromptu recitals would commence.
Countless performances and various antics occurred in that very specific bubble. When I was two and nearly a half, my baby sister was born. She was an adorable little pink fairy-doll to cuddle and play with. I was ecstatic. Until I realised something. Shock and horror. I had to share… the castle, the attention, the camera, and my loyal subjects. Dearie me. I’m ashamed to say I don’t particularly enjoy sharing if it’s not on my own terms. I was also slightly fearful that my parents and my Grandma were going to replace me. She was smaller and pinker after all, while I was looking a bit on the green side. Pink is one of the best colours, says two-year-old-me. Sharing was difficult for me to grasp. I have struggled with that aspect of myself for quite some time, but I believe I have a handle on it now in most pieces of my life. And I have always, and still do, love my Pink Munchkin to bits. She could dance before she could walk. Besides, every song needs a dance, and she is mine.
Fast forward to my sister being round about the age I was when she arrived, and the family relocated to England. We two little Sugar Plum Fairies could barely speak a word of English. The four of us (parents included) were born in South Africa, you see, and we were raised in an Afrikaans-speaking household. Our new dwelling was more of a cottage than a castle, and the new language was a challenge. Some of our collective previous confidence was tamed, as we relearned how to express with the foreign tongues we had been gifted with so suddenly. I was rather nervous to start Reception. We visited many schools, but the one I ended up attending had a red owl as its representative. My first day, I was too nervous to even attempt to ask someone where to locate the loo. You can imagine how the rest of that day played out for a four-year-old…
My singing continued, with an atrocious accent and missing teeth. Until, low and behold, I developed a tendency of mimicking my 2nd Grade teacher’s intonations. Her accent was, simply put, as posh as can be. I spoke the Queen’s English, and found myself even correcting my parents’ pronunciation of words. I learned a lot on my travels to London and the seaside, and I added new songs to my repertoire (my favourite happened to be about a princess stuck in a tower). My love for London history and the discovery of actual live Royalty sparked my interest for the past and the Romantic Era. The literature, the music, the fashion, the art. I fell in love with a memory in ancient history. A time that is long gone. However, it seemed to live on in my heart and mind.
Throughout my life, that time period has been calling out to me somehow. I adore horse riding, archery was so much fun when I tried it, and fencing has always been at the back of my mind. The only activity resembling that era that I could pursue eventually was Ballet. That has always been the kind of girl I am. Traditional sports were not my cup of tea in the slightest, and I never seemed to fit in as well as the other children did. I didn’t want to accept the norms that society has been dictating to so many others. I wanted to be a part of that time and I felt like I had been part of it before. Maybe in a previous life. In my modern day imaginings I really was a princess in a faraway castle in an altered time.
My short spell of living in England was like a stepping stone into a different dimension altogether. It has such an eerie atmosphere in many of the places I visited and discovered. I wanted to become a part of it somehow, and melt into the charm I seemed to sense in the air and the water. This feeling by some means lead to me discovering that I held a fascination for fairies and all the other fae-folk or mystical beings. We visited Warwick castle and I was convinced I could see the imprints of the people who used to walk its walls so long ago. Every day, the magic from years ago was calling out to me from every nook and cranny. After learning a bit more about history and what people used to believe, I wanted to go back in time because I too was enchanted by the same myths and truths.
Maybe I truly was born in the wrong era and it wants me to return. Or maybe I am exactly where I am meant to be. I have learned to love this time as significantly as I am enamoured with the past. This love is different though, and both are particularly due to their altered ways. This is based on their unique interpretations of what is real and the knowledge that comes with each moment in time. They enhance each other and heighten my inner and outer spheres. I will continue to fuse the two times that I love together, as I have tried to do over the years.
One discovery told me that this idea is something that has to be shared with the people I love, in the present era. I want to bring the mystical ideas and effects from the past that call to me into this day and age, because going back is not in the cards. If you search for me, that is where I will be found. In my version of today and sprinkling my bit of magic and fancies wherever, and whenever, my travels take me.